Sleep Training: How Long To Let Baby Cry?

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You’ll get unsolicited advice from everyone when you’re a parent. Often, the advice you receive from one person will contradict the advice you receive from another. Especially when you’re trying to sleep train your baby. For example, if you console your baby as soon as they cry, some will say that you’re spoiling them. But, if you let your baby cry for any amount of time, others will say that it is cruel. So, how long should you let your baby cry?

How long to let your baby cry during sleep training depends on their age and your comfort level. Newborn babies should never be allowed to cry it out. You can let older babies (4-6 months) cry for as long as you feel comfortable. And letting babies older than 12-18 months cry it out becomes ineffective.

What Is Sleep Training?

Sleep training is a term used to describe any method that parents use to teach a baby to sleep through the night. I’ve already described how my husband and I used dream feeding with both of our daughters. And, it worked pretty well for us. But, dream feeding isn’t the only sleep training method. There are many options to choose from: chair method, Ferber method, wake-and-sleep technique, and many more.¹ Some parents even swear by the “cry it out” method. No matter what sleep training method you choose, the ultimate goal is to help your baby sleep through the night and self soothe if they wake up. After all, when they sleep… you can sleep. And there’s nothing wrong with a parent getting a full night’s sleep right?

What Is Cry It Out?

The cry it out method (aka CIO or extinction method) is a sleep training method where parents use a bit of tough love to get their baby to sleep. You allow your baby to cry for a set amount of time before consoling them. Often, the amount of time is gradually increased. The aim is to teach your baby to sleep through the night and be able to self soothe if they wake up.

It may sound harsh. And, some parents wouldn’t feel comfortable letting their baby cry it out under any circumstances. There is nothing wrong with that. But, the CIO method doesn’t have to be harsh. Especially since you can modify it to fit your comfort level.

How The Cry It Out Method Works

I’m pretty sure that I’ve lost a few parents already. But, if you’re still with me, here’s how the cry it out method works.

When your ready to have your baby go to sleep, you simply place them down on their baby mattress. You say goodnight, tell them that you love them, and leave the room. Every parent knows what will happen if you do this. Your baby will cry. And, this is where the tough love comes into play.

Let your baby cry for a set amount of time. This is usually for 5 minutes. But, feel free to work your way up to 5 minutes if you have to. To be honest, these 5 minutes will feel like 5 hours. So, I’m right there with you.

Then, go back into the room and repeat the method. Console them, say goodnight, tell your baby that you love them, and leave the room again.

You’ll have to repeat this process for as long your baby keeps crying. You’ll increase the amount of time you wait to re-enter the room by 5 minutes each time. And, keep repeating this method until your baby falls asleep.

Should A Newborn Baby Cry It Out?

NO, you should not try to sleep train a newborn baby with the cry it out method. Crying is the only way your newborn can communicate their needs. They will cry to tell you that they are hungry, that they need their diaper to be changed, that they are hot (or cold), that they are sleepy and so much more. So, allowing your newborn to cry it out is the same as ignoring them when they are trying to tell you something.²

With that said, there are times where your newborn will cry no matter what you do. Especially if your baby has colic. A baby who has colic will cry for what seems like no reason, cry at the same time every day, cry for 3 or more hours a day, more than 3 days a week, for at least 3 weeks.³

As you can imagine, it would be very hard to console a newborn who has colic. Just remember to remain relaxed. And, if your newborn’s crying makes you feel like your losing control, it’s perfectly fine to place your baby in their crib and go to another room to collect yourself.⁴

What Age To Cry It Out?

There is no set age when you can start sleep training with the cry it out method. Instead, wait until YOU and YOUR BABY are both ready. What does this mean?

The cry it out method is a process that includes the parents and the baby. Parents, need to fully understand the process, be willing to follow the process consistently, and be willing to change during the process. The last part will probably be the hardest since no parent likes to hear their child cry. But, the cry it out method relies on your willingness to allow your child to cry for extended amounts of time. Additionally, they have to make sure that they have the time to commit to the process. For example, Christmas is probably not a great time to start the sleep training process since your whole family would be busy with other things.

On the flip side, your baby has to be ready for sleep training as well. Most experts agree⁵ that you should wait until your child is at least 4 to 5 months old. That is around the age your child can sleep through the night and self soothe if they wake up. And, they should have a healthy growth curve with no medical conditions that would be triggered by the cry it out method.

How Long To Cry It Out?

The classic cry it out method calls for letting your baby cry it out for 5 minutes and to increase the duration each time you have to re-enter the room. But, the truth is, you can let your baby cry it out for as long as you feel comfortable.

There have been no scientific studies that show there is any difference between 1, 3, 5, 10 minutes or more. No set time interval has been shown to work better or faster than checking on your child more often.⁶ The studies that have been done compare different methods or test slightly different approaches. So, there is no definitive amount of time that has been proven as the optimal amount of time to allow your baby to cry it out.

Without any scientific data to tell parents how long to cry it out, we have to turn to what a majority of parents do as a guide. When you do, you’ll find that most parents say that you should let them cry it out for as long as you feel comfortable. For some parents, this might be 1 minute. Other parents might be comfortable with 30 minutes.⁷ Neither is wrong and both are right for them and their situation.

When Cry It Out Doesn’t Work

There is no set age to start the cry it out method. But, there is an age where you might want to avoid it. Once your baby reaches toddler age (12 to 36 months old), the cry it out method isn’t going to be as effective. And, it will get harder as your baby grows older.

As your baby grows older, they will have more ways to express their feelings. At around 12 months, your toddler will start walking and saying their first words. They will typically not lay there and cry. More than likely, they will yell, get out of bed, and maybe even trash their room all while crying.

So, allowing your toddler to cry it out will more than likely lead to a lot of frustrated parents and kids having temper tantrums.

Conclusion

Newborns should never be allowed to cry it out as a sleep training method since crying is the only way they can communicate with their parents. The ideal time to try the cry it out method is when your baby is 4 to 5 months old. And, only if the parents and the baby are ready for the process of sleep training. And, if your child is of toddler age, the cry it out method isn’t going to be as effective or easy.

Hey, no one said that the cry it out method is an easy sleep training technique to follow. But, there have been countless parents that say that it worked for them. And, their babies can sleep through the night.

If you feel comfortable allowing your child to cry it out for an extended amount of time, this method might be what you’re looking for. Just remember, every baby and parent will react to it differently. So, only do what you feel comfortable with. Hopefully, it works. If not, there are plenty of other sleep training methods worth checking out.

By Grace – Child Development Associate Teacher in California

My husband Mark and I have been blessed with two beautiful, smart, positive (I can go on and on) girls… Kenzie & Kayla. And, we have learned many tips and tricks while raising them. Tips and tricks that we felt would be useful to other new parents out there. So, we started WAYISAVE as a website built by parents for parents to share the best baby deals, coupons, tips, tricks and the occasional piece of advice.