How To Say No To Your Child Without Saying No
It’s our job as parents to guide our children. This sometimes involves disciplining. Who are we kidding? We pretty much have to discipline our kids every day. It’s easy to tell a child “stop” or “no” to try and get our point across. Especially since negative words dominate our daily language. But ideally, negative language should be avoided in favor of positivity. So, there has to be a better way right? Don’t worry, I got you. Here are 10 examples of how to say “no” to your child without having to actually say “no”.
Offer Better Options
My daughter Mackayla lives off of carbs, sweets, and snacks. Her idea of a fully balanced meal is mac and cheese with ice cream as a dessert. Which I’m not opposed to. But, she can eat it 3 times a day, 7 days a week. Obviously, we can’t let that happen.
So, when your child constantly asks for ice cream (or any other sugary snack for that matter), try not to say “no” or give them promises like “you can have it after we eat dinner or tomorrow.” Believe me, they will remember exactly what you promised far longer than you’ll remember what you said. Instead, try offering your toddler a better option. You can offer them some sliced fruit or vegetables like celery and ranch dip. It might not be exactly what they wanted. But, if you stay calm and firm… they will happily accept the better option if the alternative is no snack at all.
Explain Why Instead Of Saying No
Let me tell you, my daughters love jumping from one toddler bed to the other. It seems like the older they get, the more daring they become. And, the more daring they become, the more stressed I become. I’m sure your toddler is the same way. It might not be jumping from bed to bed. But, I know they constantly do things they shouldn’t be.
When they do, try to refrain from just telling them “no” or “stop it.” Instead, try taking the time to explain to them why you want them to stop. In my case, I just sit down with my daughters and tell them that jumping from bed to bed can be very dangerous. I explain that all it takes is one slip and the can fall or hit their heads. I also point out that it also damages the furniture. After I do this, they tend to stop for a while. At least until they forget about our talk. Then I have to explain to them again.
Teach Them How
I’m still trying to get my eldest to consistently play with my youngest. But, Mackenzie is at the age where she wants to play correctly and by the rules. And, Mackayla is just a little too young to understand the rules. So, instead of playing… Mackayla gets frustrated and usually destroys whatever game her sister is playing.
Usually, I see this all unfolding because we tend to play games together as a family. And when it does all go down, it’s easy to get mad say no to my youngest daughter. In fact, that’s exactly what I did the first few times. But, I realized that she didn’t want to play because she didn’t understand the game and she got frustrated. So, the next time we played Chutes & Ladders (Amazon Link), I took the time to teach her how to play the game. We talked about all of the rules, how to win, who goes first, second, and third, etc. We even practiced a few times before we started playing for real. And, this was the first time Mackayla finished the game. It wasn’t surprising to see her so engaged since she understood everything that was happening. And, she even had a lot of fun.
Teach Responsibility
My husband Mark loves gardening. He especially loves when Mackenzie (our eldest daughter) would garden with him. He even bought her own gardening gloves and tools. The problem was that a two-year-old doesn’t understand how to take care of plants. Actually, she had more fun destroying plants.
But, instead of getting mad at Mackenzie, Mark saw this as a learning opportunity. Instead of telling her “no, don’t sit on that plant” he explained to her that the plant will get hurt if she does that. He showed her how to take care of them, how to water them, how to re-pot them and even how to propagate them. Now, she loves plants. She gets especially excited if we are out and about and she sees a plant that she knows we have at home. She will point it out and say “pops, this is like out echeveria at home.”
Cultivate Affection
Is it just mine or do all toddler siblings fight? It seems like Kenzi and Kayla are constantly fighting about even the little things. They do it so much that they come to me almost 4 or 5 times per hour telling on each other.
This can get frustrating. And, it can be really easy to give in to the frustration and just say no every time. But, you can use this as another learning opportunity. What we did is we made a new rule that they have to hug each other for 1 minute anytime they come to me or my husband to tell on each other. Needless to say, they hug a lot. The funny thing is Kayla actually enjoys it while Kenzi thinks it’s torture. And, I gotta say… I do enjoy watching them hug each other. At least I know that they are both learning to love each other even when they tell on each other.
Encourage Communication
For some reason, Kenzie has started whining a lot when she doesn’t get her way. I don’t know when or why she started doing this. But, I can say that it gets tiring trying to understand a whining toddler.
This is an easy time to say no or “stop whining.” And, I’m not going to lie… I’ve probably said it more than a few times. But, instead of “stop whining” I started telling her “use your words” and “I can’t understand you when you whine.” And, she usually stops whining after repeating myself a few times.
The Old Switcheroo
I learned early on that the old switcheroo works on babies. And, it doesn’t stop working just because your baby grows into a toddler. For example, even though we try and limit Mackenzie’s tablet time, she gets rather obsessed with it. She gets so obsessed that she will start whining or acting out.
But, instead of giving in and letting her use her tablet for as long as she wants… I give her the old switcheroo. I say that instead of her tablet we can go ride her bike or play in the backyard. And when I’m busy I give her a coloring book instead of her tablet. I might even break out some paints and a blank canvas. And, you can bet your bottom dollar that she would much rather play with some paints than play with her tablet.
What’s Appropriate
When we were shopping for a new dining table, something about the bar height tables spoke out to me. So, we ended up buying one. The only problem is that a bar height table has bar height chairs. Which my kids love standing and walking on them. I think the higher they are, the more fun they have.
But, when I see them walking (or should a say hopping) from chair to chair… I don’t say stop. Instead, I say “please stand on the floor” or “we only sit on chairs.” They get the point rather quickly without me having to tell them “no.”
Have Some Fun
You know, saying “no” doesn’t always have to be a learning experience. Sometimes all it takes is a little fun to get your point across. Besides, what toddler doesn’t like to laugh and play around?
My kids are relatively well behaved. But, just like other kids, they have their moments. And, it’s those moments when I have to tell them “no” but in a good way. And sometimes I just have fun with it. For example, I’ve already told you that Kayla loves her snacks. And, I can only say no or offer better options so many times. But, she is really persistent. Especially when she wants “just one more snack.” It’s literally like I’m talking to a car salesman. So, when she has her sights on the snacks but she’s already had too much, I turn to my secret trick. I either tickle her or chase her around for a little bit. Let’s just say she forgets about her snacks in a few minutes of playing tickle tag. Plus, it’s a pretty good exercise for both of us.
Stop!
Sometime you gotta go a little further than a simple “no.” For example, if I’m cooking, it’s inevitable for one of my daughters to come up and see what I’m cooking. They might even jump up on the cabinets to get a better view.
But, if I catch them getting dangerously close or if I’m cooking something that’s super hot… a simple “no” isn’t enough. I might say “stop” and raise my voice. Now, I don’t raise my voice too often. So, my daughters know I mean business when I do. They usually stop right in their tracks and look at me. At this point, I can tell them how dangerous touching a hot pan can be and move them to a safer spot.
By Grace – Child Development Associate Teacher in California
My husband Mark and I have been blessed with two beautiful, smart, positive (I can go on and on) girls… Kenzie & Kayla. And, we have learned many tips and tricks while raising them. Tips and tricks that we felt would be useful to other new parents out there. So, we started WAYISAVE as a website built by parents for parents to share the best baby deals, coupons, tips, tricks and the occasional piece of advice.
